Making Mistakes that Haunt You
All through my using days, I made mistakes. And when I first got sober, they used to grab hold of me and stop me in my tracks. A flashback of shame and embarrassment. I learned to walk them off or I would call my sponsor. My sponsor would distract me and teach me to laugh at my self. It turns out that most of the time, I was too original in messing up my life. I hit most of the bases my sponsor hit. The flashbacks have never fully stopped but they are much less of an interruption and much more of a reminder that I'm really human and not superhuman now.
Here's one I tell often. Perhaps because it still bothers me. I had made the mistake of being loud at lunch. Insulting the waitress. The next day when I walked into my bar for lunch, the entire bar got up and walked out. The size of my guffaw is similar to being thrown out of treatment for kissing a guy when you're not supposed to have contact at all. Both events make you stop and think and ask yourself the question, has my life really gone done down this far?
We always get life lessons. The trick is I've learned is to pay attention to them. Sit down and talk each one of them through with my sponsor. See what happens to my stubborn side.