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The Surrendered Life

  • Lisa Ferguson
  • Dec 2, 2022
  • 2 min read

Updated: Dec 3, 2022

To surrender means different things to different people, so here's my definition of surrender: to not run through my day thinking I'm in charge. When I really think about it, there's too much pressure to be in charge anyway. Recently, I tried to be in charge when I got upset over something that's not that important. I carried it to the point that I hurt someone's feelings.


For example, I had given two small televisions to my ex-mother-in-law. Since she just passed, my ex lost the keys and since he's pawned many, many things in the name of his addiction, I'm thinking, 'there go the TVs." So, I yelled at him for being an addict on the day she died.


Then I thought, that was severe. It's his being irresponsible but, really, you gave an addict two televisions and an admonition not to pawn them. Really? This anger is deep. Let's look underneath it. My OCD? Where everything has it's place and everything is being put to good use. I am safe now because I am a good person, putting everything to good use. It's a control issue on my part for my own safety's sake. When things are piling up and messy, I'm not safe because (1) my mother said so and (2) my mother said I was lazy and will now be beaten.


But even that doesn't feel like it. It's my anger at him from pawning stuff and blowing up our marriage and from me thinking I can make his life better. Guess what? I can't. I need to accept and surrender that I am no hero. I am not even that much of a do-gooder if I expected the TVs back. Nope, surrender my will to the greater Good's will. So, I will, and I am instantly not angry anymore.


Surrender to the greater Good and allow my own definition to get to work in my own addicted mind-I'm rolling through my day and I'm not in charge.





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On the beautiful Connecticut shore, we own and operate two gender-specific homes: a men's and a women's house in the towns of Clinton and Madison. In safe and comfortable sober houses, each offers a community where we get well and find purpose.

​1. Assess each potential resident’s needs and determine whether the level of support available within the residence is appropriate. Provide assistance to the resident for referral in or outside of the residence.

2. Value diversity and non-discrimination.

3. Provide a safe, homelike environment that meets NARR Standards.

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4. Maintain an alcohol- and illicit-drug-free environment.

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5. Honor individuals’ rights to choose their recovery paths within the parameters defined by the residence organization.

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6. Protect the privacy and personal rights of each resident.

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7. Provide consistent and uniformly applied rules.

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8. Provide for the health, safety and welfare of each resident.

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9. Address each resident fairly in all situations.

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10. Encourage residents to sustain relationships with professionals, recovery support service providers and allies.

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11. Take appropriate action to stop intimidation, bullying, sexual harassment and/or otherwise threatening behavior of residents, staff and visitors within the residence.

12. Take appropriate action to stop retribution, intimidation, or any negative consequences that could occur as the result of a grievance or complaint.

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13. Provide consistent, fair practices for drug testing that promote the residents’ recovery and the health and safety of the recovery environment and protect the privacy of resident information to the extent allowed by law.

14. Provide an environment in which each resident’s recovery needs are the primary factors in all decision making.

 

15. Promote the residence with marketing or advertising that is supported by accurate, open and honest claims.

 

16. Decline taking an active role in the recovery plans of relatives, close friends, and/or business acquaintances who may apply to live in the recovery residence.

 

17. Sustain transparency in operational and financial decisions.

 

18. Maintain clear personal and professional boundaries.

 

19. Operate within the residence’s scope of service and within professional training and credentials.

 

20. Maintain an environment that promotes the peace and safety of the surrounding neighborhood and the community at large.

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